How to handle your manager

People don't quit their jobs, they quit their managers. That's what we hear every day from dissatisfied employees who come to us looking for a new job. It's rarely the nature of the work that frustrates people, or the long hours, or even the low pay. More often than not, it's the candidate's manager that sends them running.

If you've ever had a bad manager you'll have your own (vehement) views on the subject, but the most common complaints include: poor communication; unrealistic demands; bad listening skills and lack of support. In the worst cases, a combination of all of these factors. The good news, however, is that it's normally within your power to improve the situation.

Most problems in the workplace stem from bad communication. Therefore, if you can improve the communication flow between you and your boss, you're on your way to a much happier time at work.

The fact of the matter is that most managers could be better communicators. But they are not always aware of it. They are under the impression that their expectations and goals 'trickle down', to their staff. This is seldom the case, and many employees are left without a clear idea of what they are working towards. If this is the case, try asking your manager for the information you should be receiving, but be diplomatic.

This need not be an unpleasant undertaking. Most managers will be flattered to think that you want to have a clearer idea of the company and where you fit into it.  It's often best to schedule a proper appointment and to state why you're there and what you want to achieve. If your productivity improves as a result of this communication, your boss may have learned a useful lesson.

Scheduling a meeting should probably be your first move, whatever problem you're experiencing with your manager. This is particularly true if your boss is making unrealistic demands on you. If this is the case, it's probably because he or she is unaware of what you're doing. Explain the projects you have, together with a time estimate for each, and ask your manager to help you prioritize what you have to do.

It's surprising how many managers don't know what an employee's role requires, let alone their day-to-day work. This can be very damaging to morale. If you're feeling unsupported by your manager, bear in mind that he or she may not be aware of what your role entails. Of course, they could never admit this, because they should know! But if this is the case, ask your manager to set you some goals. At the very least, this will be a good starting point for establishing his or her conceptions about your job role.

Bad listening skills are often cited as an annoying trait of managers. It's not that they don't communicate, rather that the communication is one way. In this case it is particularly important that you plan what you are going to talk about before going ahead with a meeting. And don't leave the meeting until you have established what you want to say. It may help to have notes visible to which you can refer, thereby affirming that you have considered the meeting and areas of discussion. Why not give your boss a copy in advance of the meeting so there are no surprises. It will be good sign if he/she has taken the trouble to read it!

So far we have talked about your manager changing, having seen the light. But what if, despite your best efforts, nothing happens? In this case, provided you really would prefer to stay where you are, you will have no choice but to change yourself.

Sandra Davies, of the Emotional Intelligence Partnership, says that one of the most important lessons to learn in work, as well as life, is that we are all different and have different drives. David McClelland, the most influential twentieth century researcher and writer on motivation (Motives, Personality and Society 1984, Human Motivation 1987), identified three major motivators: Affiliation, Power and Achievement. Observe and mirror your manager's primary motivator (we all have all three in differing amounts) and you will get on his/her wavelength. So if your boss is motivated by achievement, people issues will be a low priority but targets will be paramount; if the major driver is affiliation, you need to think in people terms; in the case of power, be very, very careful!

But getting on your manager's wavelength is a big adaptation to make. Are you willing to learn different techniques and prioritize things that don't come naturally to you? Only you can make that evaluation. It can sometimes be easier to get another job than another working style. If you've really lost all hope of improving your relationship with your manager, sticking with your job could damage your self confidence. If you think you've reached the point of no return point, we will be happy to talk to you about your options. Find your nearest office using our Office Locator or Job Search.

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